Tuesday, 17 September 2013

twins

Though I've completely fallen off the wagon with commenting lately, I am still a pretty avid reader of all of your blogs. I love keeping up with how things are going with everyone, but as I'm now reading on my phone or iphone all of the time it's hard to comment regularly.

One thing that seems to be coming up a lot lately is people either wanting or actively NOT wanting twins - either in the context of deciding how many embryos to put back or just fantasising about future possibilities.

I have nothing to compare to, having only ever (for the past 4 months anyhow) had twins. But it's something I think about, knowing how I was pretty freaked out when we I found out we were having two after a dIUI even though of course we knew it was a significant possibility.

The first three months with two babies was unbelievably hard. It's still hard. But there are these glimmers lately of the unreal amazingness of having two that I feel like I want to record, to remember.

A twin mum friend of mine and I were having coffee with the babies the other day (i.e. coffee sat on the table getting cold while I fed my 4-month-olds in succession and she wrangled her active smiley 13-month-olds). I know her through the Donor Conception Network so she's an extra special friend of mine to compare notes with.

A&P are just starting to 'interact' - and by interact I mean they are just starting to realise that there's another baby there, a baby that seems to always be there. But it's so fun to see, them checking each other out and every now and again they catch each others' hands and hold on and sit there shaking their arms around while gripping their siblings' fist. A sometimes gets his hand in P's mouth, and vice versa.

Often when they're in their bouncy chairs they sit there staring up at you and grinning. The feeling of four eyes and two big smiles pointing right at you is unreal. Is hilarious. Is such a deeply fantastic feeling.

My friend and I were talking about how there are these highs with twins that we feel like parents of singletons can't really conceive of. These incredible moments where seeing two babies grow into themselves individually but also as an interdependent pair is like seeing the secrets of the universe unfold. I'm not religious but it feels sort of sublime. 

But the lows. Man. They're low. Two babies screaming and needing you and you can only get to one at a time. Or the occasional melancholy look that they give you when you've been holding the other more - it hurts my heart. 

As time goes on I imagine there will be more highs and more lows. But its nice to emerge from those first few heady months and feel, rather than constantly jealous of how easy it seems to be with just one baby (though if I'm honest I do feel that still, especially when I see people out with their one babies in slings which I wish I could do more), like I've got something unbelievable and awe-inspiring unfolding right here.

3 comments:

  1. Oh, I'm so glad you're enjoying your little ones more now. I can only imagine the highs and lows, but I have to admit, I'd still like to experience carrying and parenting twins. Maybe next time. :)

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  2. My husband and I have talked endlessly about the possibility of twins. The fact that Gonal F with the big bold warning "MAY CAUSE MULTIPLE BIRTHS" sits in my fridge at this moment both fills me with dread, but also with a burst of hope, because when we have to give our gut desire, it's for twins. It sounds fucking terrifying, but also fucking awesome. We feel super crazy for saying this too loudly though. ;)

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  3. I have 5 year old twins and I can say it never gets easier but it's always wonderful :) It's also a mother of perspective: a mother of triplets I met at a playgroup kept telling me how easy twins are because " at least you have two hands to hold each of them when they are walking". So, treasure your bundles of joy and love them a lot, the rest will fall into place.

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