Monday, 29 July 2013

making a family

And just like that, we are a family of four.

Not really, I mean you all know it's been a crazily long time coming. But as the weeks with A&P wear on I feel more and more like they've always been here, that I was never really pregnant at all (except the saggy belly), that this is somehow the natural order of things.

None of which is to say this is somehow 'coming naturally' - no, it's hard, confusing and confounding. But this is our family now, maybe it is the family that was always meant to be?

They're starting to be at more fun ages. A is smiling more consistently, P can do it but she reserves them for special occasions. I'm not sure if they really interact with each other or just wave their arms in the other's general direction.

This weekend we went to see S's family. They had been strangely absent the past few months which I know has pained him no small amount.

I didn't want to think the worst - that their absenteeism was to do with the fact that the babies were donor conceived - and instead was just hoping that they were just generally being a bit crap, or something else going on that I'm not tuned in enough to their odd duck-ness to figure out.

Happily, I don't think it was the former, but some combination of the latter. His mom still isn't fully recovered from her mini-stroke last year, and the rest of his family are a bit clueless. Plus, my crazy American brood has been over nearly constantly, and his family keeps saying 'oh we know you're so busy' which makes me feel terrible for taking up all the air. But anyhow...

At the party S's mum asked him to say a few words. He did his usual good job of being in equal parts funny and sincere (he's very comfortable in front of a crowd).

His family (like mine to an extent) is not one made up of entirely genetic ties. His Dad is really his step-dad, there are constantly long-lost adopted children coming out of the woodwork and estranged parents and uncles re-appearing. Not for nothing does he say they're like a Mike Leigh film.

S did a classy move of referencing to the assembled group how there are so many ways of making a family, and he's really happy his children will grow into this community where families are made and re-made. Nothing about our specific journey but any tuned-in listener would have heard it.

Do I wish they'd asked us more about it? Maybe? Maybe not. I guess I'll take calm acceptance and sweep-it-under-the-rug as much as exhaustive-analysis (my family).

But the most important thing is that everyone loved on A&P, passed them around so much they fell asleep within seconds that eve. And as we swept home in our newly minted mini-van the next day I felt like what he'd said had rung true, we are a family now, made and re-made again.


  1. Love this post! So glad both your families are loving on the four of you, as they should!

  2. Glad to read this, have been thinking of you. It sounds like a lovely visit with family.

  3. So happy to hear things are going well!

    I just found your blog and am excited to follow along, as we are just getting ready to start IUI #2 with donor sperm :)