S, lately

In the 6+ years we've been together I can't say we've always been a real 'honeymoon' type couple, but man, lately S has just been such a super star I feel like it bears mention.

First of all, it's just adorable and comforting and sort of awe-inspiring how connected he seems to be to the little invisible dudes.

For any of you out there either pursuing or living through or thinking about donor conception, all I can say is that you have to know your partner. Of the many things that scare(d) me about using a s.perm donor, very low on the list was a worry about whether S would bond with the babies - though I know this is an issue for some.

I knew deep down that he'd love the heck out of these kids, actually in some ways in a less complex way than I do (see my last post). And it's just so apparent already, in how he talks to my belly in silly voices, in how teary he gets every time he sees a baby-related thing in our house.

Second of all, is the really phenomenal way in which he's been taking care of me - lately and throughout the pregnancy. It's been a tough one, I've mentioned before. I hurt now in all kinds of ways I couldn't even describe a few months ago. And there's still hopefully 9-10 weeks to go.

I've had some mini-meltdowns about this, I don't do very well with physical discomfort and yet here it is, an all encompassing presence. I also don't do very well with being cooped up in the house, and yet it's starting to be a non-starter for me to think about taking public transport on my own. Every step of the 15-20 minute walk to the tube or the train is excruciating, let alone wherever I have to go when I get to the other side (I had a difficult run-in with the many stairs on the Southbank last night when trying to meet some friends visiting from the states for dinner...).

Suddenly S is like a suburban dad, picking me up at the station or wherever I am, blearily helping hoist me out of bed in the middle of the night when I have to pee and I can't get up on my own (where have my abdominal muscles gone I ask you?). And this is while he's doing 100% of the housework, and working, and doing freelance stuff in the evenings.

All of which hopefully bodes pretty well for our co-parenting after the babies arrive.

I talked ages ago about how we made our decision to proceed with donor treatment. It wasn't something that we entered into lightly and I'm forever grateful that we had the time and space to really consider and talk about it.

And though I perhaps had a bit of a rosy vision of pregnancy (!) when I look back at that post or think back to what my instincts were at the time, it's sort of gratifying to realise how much they do reflect how things are now.  We did need this time to grow into parents together, even though our path was unusual. And I did know S well enough (and him me) to be able to trust each other, to be able to be on each others' team (80-90% of the time. obviously it's not all been sunshine and roses).

So before I start whinging again, I just wanted to acknowledge that I married a pretty darn great man, who is already a great dad, whatever happens next.